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| its been a while since i've actually written in my xanga since what happened to my brother.
i plan not to change it, though i have a lot of momentos of his, its just another way of me remembering him.
but yeah. its a new year with odds and ends.
first and foremost, New Years... i actually got to see the ball drop up close and personal. again, i take the new year as being a normal day, with just a bit more of alcohol and random drunk sex going about. i've never enjoyed new years, as for a reason i am not sure yet. but i always have this vision of me standing up on a high balcony looking down on those people. i wonder what a psychologist would say about that little vision. but going on.
classes started a few weeks back, it is my most expensive year yet. i probably spent like 1000k on supplies and text books alone. only one of the few down falls of college life. other than, it really is a blast. plus i graduate this year... W00T!!!. it still really hasnt sunk in that out of my siblings, im the only one thats actually graduating college, even if it is just an AS degree.
on another note, i finally met a good friend of mine, gina.
its been like 4yrs or more of just talking over the phone and on line. it was quite differnt in person. my family and extended family LOVED her. and exaggerating LOVED would be an understatement... literally. it irked and irratated me. kind of thinking whether or not to bring her here again. but it was a pleasure having her here. thought my rents LOVE her... usually i dont like girls that my parents like... ehh not sure why but i guess gina is an acception.
other than that, i feel its going to be a hetic year for me. with school and job offeres left and right... im going to be swamped. and i have this bloody migrane that wont go away... its been a bloody week and a half already... BRAIN TUMOR!!! lol.
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| Today was a great day. The street name where my hose is located has been changed to my last name in dedication of my bother.
I got the news last night that they put up the sign. I didn't see it till the next morning, while I was driving in my car going to Pathmark.
"No way.... /keeps on looking at the street post... HELL YEAH!!! WHOOOO!!"
I was in amazement that the street where my house is located is the last name of my family.
Its like fame but in a different sense. It was a weight off my shoulder's to see it, to see my family's last name, to see my brother there. It was not only used for remembering, but it also there to remember what he did. And it will always be a reminder for my self that, he was always there for me, through thick and thin.
Now were planning to get the entire street dedicated to my brother. Which would be totally awesome.
so, I guess my address changed
from: Rey Patrick Pacificador, 12 Heston rd
to: Rey Patrick Pacificador, Cpl. Pacificador rd
its redundance at its best.
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| it really never hits you till you hear it. its as if something is missing now. there's nothing there but a memory, a dream, a thought.
i've never cried so much in my entire life, its was a promise that i kept to my self right after my aunt died, that i wouldnt cry no matter what happened. but i guess i broke that. my hands are actually still numb from punching the floor and walls of my house.
it's like my sister kept on saying to her self; "its a nightmare and im going to wake up and everything is going to be all right." i wish it was, i really do wish it was. my brother and i hung out a lot. we were pratically drinking buddies. take me out every weekend night, and drink to the point where we have massive hangovers. we would work on his car, i'd do all the electrical and he'd just stick to the motor. though i never really liked him, he was my brother and i knew thats something that can't change. yeah, its true, i didnt like him, but i had a feeling deep down that i thought he knew. but he's a persistent bugger. i guess that saying "you grow to love 'em" applies in my case. yeah, over time i gradually liked him. we'd talk about certain event's that happened in our lives and joke about it.
he was an immature guy, but he was great to be around. i know it sounds kind of harsh to say that he was immature, but its true. i guess its was a good kind of immature, the type where it doesnt get annoying but it just get good as time passes. he had that certain persona to him, a vibe, which i would say is hard to define. but you automatically knew that if you hung around him, that you would most definitely have a good time, rain or shine.
he was a good brother. always had my back, even when he was in Iraq. no matter what kind of situation i was in, he was there. he even fought fights for me. granted that i could fight on my own, but i guess he just didnt want my hands to get dirty, i just dont know.
im not a very religious person, but he's up there. he is in a better place, watching our backs and watching over us.
he was too young, too lively and he will be GREATLY missed by his friends, military mates and espacially his family.
MARKO, IF YOURE READING THIS UP THERE: WE LOVE AND MISS YOU!
RIP Marko Paulo Pacificador
My Brother, I miss you.
9/12/82 - 8/13/07 | | |
| THANK YOU BILLY JOEL FOR WRITING THAT SONG!
Anyway, it feels good to be back in NY. Even though I stayed just about a week in Cali (post pics up later), I had a prior inclination about Cali. But I totally ignored that and went head on with my plans. Turns out I'm an ass for not listening to my own inner intuition. Next time I'll listen to it more intently and throughly.
My original plan (which was only 50% complete... ok maybe not 50%, more like 45%) was to stay up until Aug. 3rd. I had to cut it short for a reason (a reason in which I'd rather not get angry about all over AGAIN and punch the tiles in my bathroom all over AGAIN), I'm not going to let that eat away from my traveling persona. Rather I'll just remember it and hold a gruge, and I can hold a mean gruge. Yeah, I know it sounds childish, and maybe on the border of infintile, but hey its habitual and its hard to ween my self away from it. Plus the out comes from it always/most of the time work in my favor.
Other than that, I dont think I'll be going to Cali any where near the future. Maybe when I forget about what happened but thats likely to happen. I'm like a freaking elephant when it comes to remembering things. But who knows, I just might come back there (give or take making a 5yr decision) for the hell of it.
Im out, hangovers suck... but its a sign that you had a good time though.
PS - Thats a Pic of NY when I was in the plane.
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